Tucker and I are enjoying this beautiful springtime, replete with cultivating new life. In March and early April we took several trips together and Tucker rode on the airplane 4 times. Although he had been on many flights before, this was his first time with his own seat. We had a lovely Spring Break visit with Sarah (Nenek) in Little Rock. Tucker enjoyed the Little Rock Zoo, an Easter egg hunt, a visit to the bunny, and playing with toys in Nenek’s garage.

Tucker had an explosion of language in March with much more conversation in complete sentences. One of his most common sayings is “Bobby chew up”! After we came back from Arkansas, Tucker started calling our home, “Bobby’s house”. Clearly, Bobby is a very large presence in his life! Tucker likes to say good-bye to places as we are leaving, “Goodbye school, grocery store, park” etc. He has gotten much more proficient at saying proper names. And now he tells stories in short phrases. Recently Tucker has been talking a lot about the airplane experience including riding in his stroller, eating chips at the airport, wearing his seatbelt on the plane, waiting until everyone boards for the door to close, getting his water from the flight attendant, and how only pilots can fly the plane (not Tucker or Mommy). His ability to remember and share his experiences now is amazing to me.

Tucker has also been very interested in emotions. After being upset about something he will say, “I was crying. I happy now.” And in true toddler fashion, he can say he is Happy while the tears are still drying on his face! Little ones are so completely in the moment with their feelings. Lately, Tucker wants to know if Mommy is happy too (and he is extremely distressed if I say No). And he has asked about the happiness of other things including our dogs, the house, trees, etc. Tucker is a beautiful reminder to me that I believe the natural state for all beings is joy-filled. He is certainly striving to live his happily ever after life.

While Tucker still enjoys being read to, he has started to “read” some of his books aloud on his own. And he likes to sing along with favorite songs like “Doe” [Doe, a deer] and “Spider” [Itsy bitsy spider]. At bedtime, Tucker always leaves his bedroom at least once to tell Bobby and Darby goodnight. And in the morning, the dogs are the first things he asks about before coming down the stairs.

Tucker has become quite savvy at managing Mom. He is used to me giving him time warnings before transitions like 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 2 minutes etc. In February, Tucker started using “2 more minutes” on me! This is his new response to most of my requests. He also learns rules very fast, sometimes after just one instruction. The next time that situation arises, Tucker waves his index finger in front of his face and says “No, No …” with the appropriate rule.

We are very excited about Baby Brother’s arrival on July 1st. Every day, Tucker asks, “Baby coming?” He knows that the baby is still growing in Mommy’s tummy. He says “Hi” to the baby sometimes and looks forward to playing with him and hugging him once baby brother arrives. Since learning to play hide-and-seek, Tucker has been taking Darby into my closet to hide together. She is very tolerant about being led by the collar into a dark closet. But I think Tucker definitely will enjoy a sibling! In February, Tucker decided to start sleeping in the twin bed in his room instead of his toddler bed (converted from the crib). I’m so glad he made this transition on his own so that the crib can be moved to the new nursery. I am enjoying all of these precious, happy days with Tucker before our family grows.

Sneak Peek at baby brother's profile

Tucker is an active, thriving 2 year old. He is really enjoying preschool and participated in both Mardi Gras and Valentines celebrations last week. He has started a weekly soccer class where he is learning basic skills through fun activities like kicking cones, bubbles, and bowling pins, in addition to soccer balls. Tucker is also attending a weekly music class now and loves trying out lots of new instruments. In other words, we are staying busy with activities this spring before little brother arrives.

I’m enjoying the energy surge of the second trimester (18 weeks now) and a return to yoga, water aerobics, and barre classes at the gym. Looking forward to my next peek at the baby Snowman next week!

We recently went on a business trip to Dallas and had a play date with 2 of Tucker’s half-siblings. Both families live in Plano, TX within a few miles of each other. I was so pleased that they were receptive to a visit with us! London is 3 months older than Tucker and James is 3 weeks younger. I really enjoyed meeting the other parents and seeing the children play together! There are 6 more half-siblings that we hope to meet eventually! I think it would be really fun to get them all together someday.

Thanks to my nanny, Shannon, for the t-shirt!

My journey to mother included 5 FET’s (Frozen Embryo Transfers). The reason it took 5 embryo transfers to get 2 baby boys is that not all of the procedures resulted in a successful pregnancy. When the procedure was unsuccessful, I found that sometimes friends and family made well-meaning comments that we actually quite hurtful. And I think this was a lack of understanding of the process. Once the embryo transfer is completed, you are considered medically “pregnant” because you have a living embryo inside of your uterus. In fact, after my most recent transfer, one of the nurses kept saying “Congratulations!” enthusiastically.

Two weeks after the embryo transfer, you take a pregnancy test. If the test is negative that means that something went wrong and the embryo died. This is essentially an early miscarriage. Like many first trimester miscarriages, the embryo most likely had an anomaly of some sort. I lost 5 embryos through this process. This is where I found that some people think of this outcome as simply a failed medical procedure. They did not understand how much I already loved that future baby or babies inside of me for the 2 weeks prior to the pregnancy test. Needless to say, having five little embryos die was a heart wrenching process.

I can’t fully understand what it is like to have a miscarriage later in pregnancy. But I do know that many families are quiet about their experiences. Reportedly, as many as 25% of women will have a miscarriage. Many women are shocked to learn how many of the women in their life had a similar experience but simply never discussed this seemingly “taboo” subject. I find it incredibly sad that women might feel ashamed and the need to hide this trauma in secrecy, missing out on potential support from loved ones.

So this Valentines Day, I just wanted to send my love to all of those families who have lost babies, at any point. My heart goes out to these precious parents. And I dedicate this blog, with great love, to my five little angels.

Angel babies at 5 days gestation -- Transfer Day

Spring Has Sprung

Sweet Valentines