Sweet Valentines

by Anise Flowers


Tucker is an active, thriving 2 year old.  He is really enjoying preschool and participated in both Mardi Gras and Valentines celebrations last week.  He has started a weekly soccer class where he is learning basic skills through fun activities like kicking cones, bubbles, and bowling pins, in addition to soccer balls.  Tucker is also attending a weekly music class now and loves trying out lots of new instruments.  In other words, we are staying busy with activities this spring before little brother arrives.

I’m enjoying the energy surge of the second trimester (18 weeks now) and a return to yoga, water aerobics, and barre classes at the gym.  Looking forward to my next peek at the baby Snowman next week!

We recently went on a business trip to Dallas and had a play date with 2 of Tucker’s half-siblings.  Both families live in Plano, TX within a few miles of each other.  I was so pleased that they were receptive to a visit with us!  London is 3 months older than Tucker and James is 3 weeks younger.  I really enjoyed meeting the other parents and seeing the children play together!  There are 6 more half-siblings that we hope to meet eventually!  I think it would be really fun to get them all together someday.

 Thanks to my nanny, Shannon, for the t-shirt!

Thanks to my nanny, Shannon, for the t-shirt!

My journey to mother included 5 FET’s (Frozen Embryo Transfers).  The reason it took 5 embryo transfers to get 2 baby boys is that not all of the procedures resulted in a successful pregnancy.  When the procedure was unsuccessful, I found that sometimes friends and family made well-meaning comments that we actually quite hurtful.  And I think this was a lack of understanding of the process.  Once the embryo transfer is completed, you are considered medically “pregnant” because you have a living embryo inside of your uterus.  In fact, after my most recent transfer, one of the nurses kept saying “Congratulations!” enthusiastically.

Two weeks after the embryo transfer, you take a pregnancy test.  If the test is negative that means that something went wrong and the embryo died.  This is essentially an early miscarriage.  Like many first trimester miscarriages, the embryo most likely had an anomaly of some sort.  I lost 5 embryos through this process.  This is where I found that some people think of this outcome as simply a failed medical procedure.  They did not understand how much I already loved that future baby or babies inside of me for the 2 weeks prior to the pregnancy test.  Needless to say, having five little embryos die was a heart wrenching process.

I can’t fully understand what it is like to have a miscarriage later in pregnancy.  But I do know that many families are quiet about their experiences.  Reportedly, as many as 25% of women will have a miscarriage.  Many women are shocked to learn how many of the women in their life had a similar experience but simply never discussed this seemingly “taboo” subject.  I find it incredibly sad that women might feel ashamed and the need to hide this trauma in secrecy, missing out on potential support from loved ones.

So this Valentines Day, I just wanted to send my love to all of those families who have lost babies, at any point.  My heart goes out to these precious parents.  And I dedicate this blog, with great love, to my five little angels. 

 Angel babies at 5 days gestation -- Transfer Day

Angel babies at 5 days gestation -- Transfer Day